In the third season opener
of Roswell, we get new credits, a new character, and new hair for our lovely heroine
Isabel. Unfortunately, all those things together aren’t enough to distract us from
the disturbing sight of Max and Liz playing a sort of unlikely, human/alien version of
Bonnie and Clyde. There they are, parked in front of "Sam’s Convenience
Store," furiously making out in the front seat of their jazzy convertible, quite a
step up from the old Jeep they sent careening off a cliff in the Season Two finale. After
crawling all over one another in pre-crimespree lust, off they go, barging into the
convenience store, ski-masked and armed – well, Liz, at least – to supposedly
rob it. But while Liz is screaming at the poor elderly convenience store clerk to get down
on the floor, brandishing her gun, long brown hair hanging identifying-ly out of the
bottom of her ski mask, Max is using his powers to find his way down to a huge warehouse
space underneath the convenience store. And therein sits a spaceship. He pulls out a
crystal and holds it up, causing the ship to light up and display that old alien symbol
we’ve all come to know and sort of love. But a mob-type has reported them to the
local police, and they must flee. After a wild chase across the desert, during which Max
throws the key crystal out the window, and uses his powers once again to make the gun melt
into nothingness, they are surrounded by police cars. Busted, as the title goes.
Flashback, and we discover how this all started. Max is asking Liz out on a date, and
despite the fact that Max had sex with and impregnated Tess after she caused the death of
one of Liz’s best friends, Liz is willing to let bygones be bygones, because, well,
after all, Max is HOT. So we must endure their first date – again – out on a
dock by a seemingly large body of water. Here’s a geographical question: Is there a
large body of water in Roswell, New Mexico? Well, it seems there is now.
Max decides they need to celebrate the occasion by skinny-dipping. Liz demurs, but when
she sees that Max’s version of skinny-dipping includes wearing boxer shorts and black
dress socks, she can’t help but acquiesce. Doing a little strip-tease with her back
to the water, Liz takes off her dress and dances in her training bra and granny pants,
while Max, obviously not wanting to watch it any more than we do, suddenly begins to
drown. When Liz turns around to see him doing the Dead Alien’s Float, she dives in to
save him.
FINALLY – Isabel! But what in God’s name is she wearing? A wig that
couldn’t be more obviously a wig if it had the "Eva Gabor" tag hanging out
the back of it. Our poor Isabel! Liz rushes in to Michael’s apartment with a
shivering Max, who is chattering about having a vision of his son being in trouble. Like
father, like son, I say.
